A Crisis Hidden Behind the Mask of Strength
Men’s mental health remains a topic that is still discussed far too rarely.
For many years, men have been taught that they should be strong, self-reliant and unshakeable. Many of them have learned to mask their difficulties well and to create the impression that everything is fine, even when they are experiencing an internal crisis. Moreover, some men do not want their problems to be discussed, as they fear judgement or associate asking for help with weakness
– says the expert.
“I Can’t Cope Anymore”
Men who seek help from a psychologist are not always able to name the problem they are facing. Often, it is only through conversation with a specialist that it becomes clear what lies behind exhaustion or burnout.
Many men do not come forward saying that they have depression or anxiety disorders. More often, they say they are tired, burned out or that they “can’t cope anymore”. It is only during the conversation that it becomes clear that behind chronic fatigue there is long-term stress, difficulties with emotional regulation, constant fulfilment of other people’s expectations and a feeling of having to operate at full capacity all the time. In the background, anxiety disorders, depression, relationship crises or problems with self-esteem often appear as well
– underlines Śliwerski.
Anger, Isolation and Escaping into Work
A mental health crisis does not always manifest itself as sadness. In men, it may take forms that are mistakenly perceived by those around them as signs of a difficult personality, lack of interest in family life or excessive ambition.
Emotions are universal, but the way they are expressed may differ. In men, depression or crisis more often manifests itself in irritability, outbursts of anger, excessive involvement in work or resorting to stimulants. It is also worth paying attention to withdrawal from relationships, an increasing need for isolation, escaping into sleep or computer games, or limiting conversations with loved ones. Sometimes, these behaviours are precisely the signals that someone is struggling with a serious crisis.
Warning Signs Not to Be Ignored
Not every bad day means that therapy is necessary. However, concern should arise when changes persist over a longer period and begin to affect work, relationships and everyday responsibilities.
Concerning signs may include prolonged fatigue, low mood, sleep problems, loss of interests, withdrawal from relationships, excessive use of alcohol or other substances, as well as a feeling that everyday duties require increasing effort. Another important signal is when previously effective coping strategies stop working
– adds the psychologist.
Help as a Last Resort
Many men decide to seek professional help only when the crisis seriously disrupts their lives. Before that, they try to cope on their own, as admitting helplessness is perceived as a personal failure.
The cultural message that “boys don’t cry” is still strong, and that a real man should be able to cope on his own. Many men feel that showing helplessness or asking for help means failure. As a result, they often delay until the problem becomes very severe and begins to affect their health, relationships or work.
The “Strong Man” Trap
The stereotype of a man who must remain in control regardless of the circumstances may have the opposite effect from what is intended. When self-worth depends on success, every failure begins to be perceived as proof of personal inadequacy.
Such a stereotype can weaken mental resilience rather than strengthen it. If we base our self-esteem solely on what we achieve, what we have or how effectively we cope, it becomes very fragile. Then, all it takes is a difficult period, a failure or a crisis for the feeling that “I am not enough” to appear. Meanwhile, the most lasting source of mental resilience is the belief in one’s value as a human being, not merely an evaluation of one’s achievements. Each of us knows people who impress us with their appearance or possessions (what they have), or who do fascinating things (what they do), but who at the same time do not earn our respect as people (who they are)
– emphasises the researcher.
Support Without Pressure or Judgement
Loved ones often want to find a solution as quickly as possible. However, putting pressure on someone to talk, offering unsolicited advice or criticising the behaviour of a person in crisis may deepen their withdrawal.
First of all, it is worth avoiding pressure, criticism and attempts to “fix” another person by force. Many mental health problems are already associated with strong internal criticism and a sense of not meeting expectations. Adding further pressure usually does not help. It is much more effective to show interest, kindness and readiness to talk when the other person is ready. If we want to bring about change in someone’s behaviour, we must first show them empathetic understanding.
Asking for Help Is a Skill
Changing the way we think about emotions requires abandoning the belief that expressing them is a sign of weakness. Talking about one’s wellbeing can be the first step towards regaining control over one’s life.
For many men, this is still difficult. It helps to show that emotions are a natural part of every human life, and that talking about them does not mean weakness. It is also worth emphasising that asking for help is one of the skills of coping with problems, not proof of incompetence.
You Do Not Have to Constantly Prove Your Worth
The key message addressed to men concerns the right to rest, to let go and to treat oneself with kindness. It is precisely these skills, rather than a constant struggle with one’s own limitations, that can become the source of true resilience. Therefore, dear men:
you do not have to prove your worth all the time. From time to time, allow yourselves to let go, to rest and to learn how to be a friend to yourselves. Paradoxically, this is one of the foundations of mental health and true strength
– concludes Śliwerski.
Source: Dr Andrzej Śliwerski
Edit: Kacper Szczepaniak, Centre for Brand Communications
